Jonas and the Internet
by Shadowjump
Summary: The title says it all


Disclaimer: Nothing regarding this fan fiction is owned by me except for the idea. All characters are owned by MGM, etc.  
  
Jonas and the Internet  
  
Once upon a time, in a place called Cheyenne Mountain, lived a group of people that worked for an organization called Stargate Command (or SGC for short). While most of these people were military, there were a few civilians, as well a couple of aliens.  
  
Now one of these aliens was a young man by the name of Jonas Quinn. He came to the SGC under questionable circumstances that resulted in the death of a much-loved member of the premier Stargate team known as SG-1. While many people felt that Jonas was responsible, or at least partly responsible, for the death of the afore mentioned much loved Daniel Jackson, he was able to convince one Colonel Jack O'Neill that he wanted to make amends for what he had done and continue the good doctor's work. Colonel O'Neill said "OK".  
  
Jonas wasn't exactly welcomed into SG-1 with open arms, but he became an integral member of the team. The Colonel even said at one point that Jonas was nearly as smart as Daniel, but we won't go into that here.  
  
One day Jonas was introduced to something called "the Internet" by Major Samantha Carter. She felt that the internet might keep Jonas out of trouble for a while since he had read everything in the SCG including all the labels on the items in the commissary kitchen, much to the chagrin of the kitchen staff. While playing on the internet, Jonas discovered something called "fan fiction". While reading said fan fiction, he was happy to find that SG-1 was quite popular with these people called "fans". That is, until he discovered how unpopular he personally was with those same fans. The more he read, the more frightened he became. "Wow," he thought. "Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter really must hate me. They do some really terrible things to me in these fan fictions." Some of those things are much too terrible to go into in this forum, so just use your imagination.  
  
After filling his impressionable mind (remember, he's quite innocent by our standards) with those awful fan fictions (not those on fanfiction.net, of course), he went to the briefing for SG-1's next mission. Taking a seat as far away from the rest of the team members, and everyone else in the room for that matter, Jonas waited for the briefing to begin.  
  
"Hey, Jonas. Come sit with the rest of us," Colonel O'Neill called.  
  
"No. That's all right. I'm fine here," Jonas answered, not wanting to make the Colonel any angrier than he might already be.  
  
"What's his problem?" the Colonel thought. "I showered this morning."  
  
After the briefing was over and everyone else had left the room, Jonas sat by himself. "What am I going to do?" He thought. "The others might kill me while we're on our mission."  
  
Just then, Major Carter stuck her head in the room. She had been looking for their wayward team member. Not knowing what Jonas had been reading, and also not knowing that he actually believed all the fan fiction that he had been reading, she walked over to him.  
  
"Jonas, why are you sitting here all by yourself? You should be in the gateroom with the rest of the team."  
  
"Quick," he thought. "I have to come up with some excuse to stay here." "Oh, hi, Sam," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I'm not feeling well. I think I'm coming down with something."  
  
"Maybe you should see Dr. Frasier?" Sam offered. "He's acting even stranger than usual," she thought. "I wonder what's up?"  
  
"No, that's all right. I think I'll sit this trip out and go back to my quarters." "At least I can lock myself in," he thought. Dr. Frasier has done some pretty nasty things to me in those fan fictions too. I don't want her coming anywhere near me. I still can't forget that thermometer incident."  
  
Sam was really starting to worry. Jonas was anything but a brooder. She sat down next to him, noting how nervous he was getting. "Jonas, what's wrong?"  
  
"Oh, nothing."  
  
"Uh huh. Then why don't I believe you?"  
  
"I don't know. Why don't you believe me?"  
  
"Jonas, stop playing games and tell me what's bothering you. Now!"  
  
"Sam, do you really hate me?" he asked quietly.  
  
"Why would I hate you? You can be annoying at times, but, no, I don't hate you."  
  
"Then why would you and Colonel O'Neill and the others do all those terrible things to me?"  
  
"What terrible things? Jonas, who has done something to you?"  
  
"You all have. In those stories I've been reading."  
  
"What stories?" Sam was really started to get weirded out by all of this.  
  
"You know. Those fan fictions on the internet."  
  
"Oh, Jonas. Don't tell me you actually believe those things." Sam had forgotten how naïve Jonas was. His world wasn't as advanced as Earth and he had led a very sheltered life. "People write those things for entertainment, and sometimes they get a bit carried away. Some of the writers can be mean-spirited and don't like change. Those stories aren't real. Colonel O'Neill and I wouldn't never do those things to you."  
  
"You wouldn't?" Jonas asked, not looking very convinced.  
  
"No, we wouldn't and neither would anyone else here at the SGC. Now, let's go meet up with the rest of the team and leave for our next assignment." Sam stood up and started to leave the room. Noticing that Jonas wasn't following her, she turned around. "Are you coming?"  
  
"Are you absolutely positively sure that those fan fictions aren't real?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure."  
  
Jonas got up and walked out the door, sliding by Sam as if he were afraid she'd try to hurt him.  
  
"Maybe I should have warned him not to believe everything he reads on the internet," Sam thought as she followed her teammate down the hall toward the gateroom.  
  
Much later, after returning from a very successful mission, Colonel O'Neill asked Major Carter if she had found out what had been bothering Jonas. "Well, Sir," Sam said. "I made the mistake of introducing Jonas to the internet and I forgot to warn him about some of the stuff that's out there."  
  
"What did he find?" the Colonel asked.  
  
"Fan fiction, Sir," she replied.  
  
"Fan fiction? Fan fiction! You let him read fan fiction? Haven't you seen what some of those people write? How could you let him read those? No wonder he looked like we were going to come after him with an axe. There are things on the internet that he just isn't ready for. Come to think of it, there are things on the internet that I'm not ready for. If you were going to let him read fan fiction, you could have at least showed him the fanfiction.net website."  
  
"I had a talk with him and explained that those stories are just some peoples' perverted opinions and we don't hate him and wouldn't hurt him."  
  
"And he believed you?"  
  
"Not a word."  
  
~~ FINI ~~ 


End file.
